It was
getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God
decided to change the
rules!
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God
decided to change the admittance policy. The new
law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had
to have a really bummer day on the day that you
died. The policy would go into effect at noon the
next day.
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came
to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate,
remembering the new policy, promptly asked the
man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me
how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said, "I came home to my
25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught
my wife having an affair, but her lover was
nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching
for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me
as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was
about to give up, I happened to glance out onto
the balcony and noticed that there was a man
hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve
of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on
his fingers until he fell to the ground. But
wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and
bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die.
This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went
back inside to get the first thing I could get my
hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first
thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I
unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and
tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories
and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was
so great that I had a heart attack and died
almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment.
Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a
crime of passion. So, the Angel announces, "OK
sir, Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven" and let
him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the
Angel's surprise, it was Vernon Jordan. "Mr.
Jordan, before I can let you in, I need to hear
about what your day was like when you died."
Jordan said, "No problem, but you're not going to
believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th
floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had
been under a lot of pressure so I was really
pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got
a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally
fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch
myself by the fingertips on the balcony below
mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes
running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and
stomps on my fingers.
Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and
bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I
didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face
up on the ground, unable to move and in
excruciating pain, I see this guy push his
refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It
falls 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me
instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as
Jordan finishes his story. I could get used to
this new policy he thinks to himself. "Very
well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the
Kingdom of Heaven." and he lets Vernon enter.
A few seconds later, President Clinton came up to
the gate. The Angel is almost to shocked to
speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour
through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr.
President, please tell me what it was like the
day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked inside
a refrigerator........"
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